Fallen Angel
by AshleyNicole86
Summary: Edward left and Bella didn't quite get over it. She starts misbehaving but what happens when Alice has a vision and Edward comes back? Rated M for drug use and sex.
1. Chapter 1

**New story, not really sure where it came from and I don't know where its going but I hope you enjoy. **

**Review!!!!**

**I don't em. **

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When _he_ left I lost it completely, I turned into a zombie. I don't really remember details, I wasn't interested in living, but I had made_ him_ that damn promise. So I didn't try to live, but I didn't try to die either.

Then one day I did something dangerous and stupid. And for the first time in months I felt better, because I had heard _his_ voice telling me not to do it, to be safe. So I started testing boundaries. I bought motorcycles for Jake and I, we cliff dived, I drove too fast, I drank, all the while hearing that voice telling me how silly and ridiculous and downright stupid I was being.

I got Carpe Noctem tattooed across my lower abdomen. Igot my tongue pierced. Maybe I was being stupid but I was becoming happier. It was mostly Jake, he let me do my stupid things while keeping me safe. He took me to the ER and held my hand when I was sick after drinking too much. He put lotion on my tattoo and made me gargle salt water so my tongue didn't get infected.

I kept it all pretty well hidden from Charlie, he didn't know about the stupid things I did. He would have tried to stop me, tried to help.

Last night Jake told me we couldn't be friends anymore. He spouted off a bunch of BS that I didn't care to listen to and then he left. Just like _him_. And now I was sitting in my room and I had a decision to make. I had two perfect lines of white powder in front of me and I knew I was either going to fall off the ledge I was standing on or I was going to jump. I chose to jump.

I took the straw and held it to my nose and the powder and did one line and then the other. I had no regrets as I waited for it to take effect. Anything to be happy. Anything to forget about _him_.

**Edward**

My phone rang again and I hit my head against the wall. Christ what could be so important? I knew the annoying little pixie would keep calling so I flipped open the phone and listened.

"Edward? You need to go check on Bella. I wasn't trying to look I swear but something is wrong." My heart would have stopped if I had one. What was wrong with my Bella?

"What did you see Alice?"

"She was dead Edward. Whatever she's doing right now…it's going to kill her."

I was in my car driving before I'd hung up the phone. I was in London; it would take me a few days to get to Forks. I hoped I had the time.

**Bella**

Charlie was banging on my door and I was trying to not lose my high but it wasn't working. Charlie knew something was going on. I couldn't hide this. My highs were high and my lows were low. It had been weeks since I did those first lines. I poured out some powder. This was something fairly new to me, something better than blow, Crank. I did a line. I waited. I lived. Fuck. A smile lit up my face. I felt great. I felt whole. I felt like I could fly. I needed to do something. I needed to do someone. Jake. I'd go see Jake, it was perfect. I opened my door and pushed past Charlie. I jumped in my truck and took off. I was impatient. I needed to be there now. I needed to be there 10 minutes ago.

I pulled up in front of Billy's and Jake came walking out. He looked angry. I don't why he would be angry with me. I hadn't done anything. Had I? The last few weeks were one big blur but I hadn't seen Jake.

"JAKEY!" I threw myself out of the truck at him. He looked surprised. God he was warm. Hot. I grabbed a fist full of hair and yanked him down. I kissed him. I felt him tense up and he pulled away.

"Fuck Bella what's going on?" He looked at me carefully and fidgeted going from foot to foot and wringing my hands. I couldn't stand still. "Christ Bella, are you on something?"

I didn't answer. I didn't know if I could lie right now. My mind was in too many places at once. Jake grabbed my truck door and yanked so hard that he almost pulled it off. He grabbed my backpack and started rifling through it. I knew what he would find. He laid it all out. Baggies of white powder, a CD case. A few rolled dollar bills. The needles. I loved the high that came with the crank. I loved the numbness that came with the smack. I needed them both.

Jake was staring at me like I was crazy. Maybe I was. "Bella…why?"

"Come on Jake. Let's not play games here. You're ruining my buzz. You fucked with my mind. _He_ fucked with my mind. I had to do something." I grabbed the needle. Pre-filled and capped. I flicked off the cap with one finger. Jake's eyes were wide. He was shaking.

"Bella."

"You gonna stop me Jakey? Hmm?" I had a few seconds to wonder why he didn't, why he just stood there shaking uncontrollably, and then the needle was in my arm.

And then the pain was gone. Completely. Totally. Gone. I was free. I didn't care that they didn't want me. I didn't care that _he_ left or that Jake didn't want to be my friend. I smiled lazily at Jake. I melted towards the ground. And then I started hallucinating. Jake was a wolf. A big wolf. Oh wait no, he was human again. He was carrying me into his house. There were others there. They were talking with Jake in low voices but it didn't matter. I was happy not to hear them, not to be bothered. I don't know how much time passed. A few minutes, a few hours. But suddenly I needed more. I was waking up. The pain was coming back.

I was cold and sweaty and so sad. Neither of them wanted me anymore. I was alone. I needed that other needle. I needed more. But Jake wouldn't let me up. I heard my cell phone ringing and one of those other boys answered it. He was talking about me. I heard him tell who ever was on the other end that I was using. That I was in too deep. It made me laugh. It's not like whoever was on the other end of the phone could do anything for me. Only the drugs could help me.

I struggled when they picked me up but they were strong. Jake held me on his lap while someone else threw all my stuff in my bag. I needed that bag. It was set down right next to me in the truck but Jake was holding my arms and I couldn't get to it. I didn't know where we were going and I didn't care. I just needed what was in that bag. I was struggling to get it and then Jake was pulling me from the truck and I went from held in his hot arms to ice cold one. I was so shocked that I stopped struggling.

He flipped me around to face him and he looked so angry. I'd never seen him angry with me like this before. Not that first day when he smelled me and wanted to kill me, not ever.

I imagined what I must look like to him. I was so skinny. So pale. I had dark circles under my eyes. I had chopped my hair off at some point. My pupils covered my brown eyes. If I had been beautiful I would have looked like Alice.

I looked at him defiantly. How dare he come back now? Couldn't he see that I had jumped off that ledge? That I was a different person. I used to be addicted to Edward, now I was addicted to a different type of monster.

Edward put me in his car and I didn't even try to run. He would catch me. He drove us to his house and I sat with my arms crossed. He carried me upstairs and shoved me in the shower fully clothed. He stood and watched me. I stripped. I didn't care. Let him see what he had done to me. I saw his dark eyes narrow as he took in the tattoos and piercings. I had a belly button ring. I had a huge dark angel wings on my back and shoulders. I was a fallen angel. I was his fallen angel.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hiya! Thanks for the reviews!!! Here is chapter two, more to come if I get more reviews.

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**Bella**

"What's with the tattoos Bella?"

"What you don't like them?"

"I didn't say that. I'm just wondering why you got them."

"Because I could. Because I didn't have you telling me not too." My voice was cracking. I couldn't take this. I needed to shoot up. "Edward please why are you doing this? Why won't you just let me be happy?"

"Are you happy Bella? Does it make you happy to know that Charlie cries at night? Does it make you happy that you've completely ruined your life? Do the drugs really make you happy?"

I stared at him and then washed my hair. He handed me a towel when I turned off the water and I scrubbed myself dry. He handed me my clothes and I put them on. I needed to get out of here. I'd walk if he wouldn't drive me. I grabbed my wallet out of my jeans and shoved it in the pocket of the sweat pants I was now wearing.

I went for the stairs and Edwards arm shot out and blocked me. "Where you do you think you're going?"

"I'm hungry. Take me to get food." The words popped out of my mouth. But hey it was a good idea.

Edward nodded. Couldn't let the poor human starve I suppose. I looked at his eyes. They were coal black.

"You need to hunt."

"I'll be fine until the others get here." He grabbed my arm and led me to the car. I was getting twitchy and restless.

We drove to the diner but I refused to go in. Edward parked right in front of the diner and went to get me my food. He would catch me if I tried to run. He went inside and I made a show out of flipping through his CD's. I grabbed one and tried to take my wallet out with as little noise as possible. I hummed, hopefully it would distract him. Even if it didn't he would have to come out human slow. I took the little baggie of smack out of my wallet and dumped it on the CD. I didn't have time to make lines. I grabbed a rolled bill and brought the CD to my face. He saw me. I had maybe 10 seconds. It was gone in five. It was a fucking lot of smack but I knew it would take a few minutes to kick in. Shooting up was better. I flipped Edward off and he shook his head. There was no reason for him to come out here now. He got my food and came back out to the car.

"Are you fucking kidding me Bella? You couldn't resist for six fucking hours?" he was pissed. Poor Edward couldn't save me from myself.

"Come on Eddie boy. Have a little fun. Let's go get tattoos!" I was mellowing out. The twitching had stopped.

He sighed. "Eat some food Bella."

"I'm not hungry." I was never hungry anymore.

"No I guess you wouldn't be. So what was that Bella? Half a gram? You buy pure I'll give you that much. Where are you getting the money Bella? Stealing from Charlie? I mean you just snorted some good shit. What did it set you back? $100 bucks? More?"

I listened to Edward but I didn't care about what he was saying. I felt better now. My high was here and I felt calm. It hadn't been enough to give me a real jolt, just enough to keep me from crashing. I needed to find a way to get away from Edward before I started going down again.

He carried me into the house because I didn't care enough to move. The rest of them arrived three hours later. I was still riding my high, but it was more of a low now. Edward had done this to me; he deserved to see me like this. The others didn't. I loved them. It wasn't enough though. Not to make me stop. I needed the drugs.

Esme came to give me a hug but I just sat still and stared at everyone. Jasper was sending out waves of calm but I only smirked at him.

"Jasper no offense but your mojo has nothing on what I snorted." I gave him a jab of anger and he stepped back.

"Bella!" Oops I'd made Edward angry again. "You don't have to be a bitch. They want to help you."

"I don't think you understand Edward. I don't want help."

"You'll die. Alice saw it."

"Well thank fucking god. I mean before you left it seemed like I was always getting myself into near death experiences. I can't seem to die now even when I try."

I'd never seen a shocked vampire before but I had seven of them staring at me now.

"Bella please don't say things like that. We love you so much." It was Alice now. Yeah, send in the pixie. Don't play fair or anything.

"Alice you left too. You all left. And Edward wanted me to live. Well I'm sorry if I didn't choose the right kind of human life." I got up and walked out into the backyard. No one stopped me. I sat down on the big rock by the river. It was a good half an hour before someone came after me. I was losing my high.

"Hey Bells."

"Hey Emmett."

"So…how's life?"

I laughed, "I can't believe you just asked me that."

"You need to quit Bella."

"Oh Emmett. Quitting is easy. I've done it a hundred times."

"You need to try again."

"I'm not insane Emmett. That's the definition of insane you know. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I don't expect different results anymore. I don't expect anything."

"Bella."

"Fuck you Emmett. What would you do if Rosalie left you huh? I don't know, maybe you could handle that. Maybe I could have handled Edward leaving. But imagine if you lost you family too. You're future. Because I was sure of my future Emmett. You guys were my future. And you all fucking left me."

"Bella we still are your future. Alice see's two things happening. You are either going to die or you will become one of us.

"Liar."

"He's not lying Bella." It was Alice and Jasper. I was cold and my arms hurt bad. Alice sat next to me and I laid my head down on her shoulder.

I didn't want to try to get clean. I just wanted another hit. One more line. But I knew it wouldn't happen with all of them here. I needed to play along. It would suck. Withdrawals sucked. But if I played along they'd leave again and I'd throw myself a party. Line after line. Shot after shot.

I nodded to Alice. She looked suspicious but she couldn't know anything. I was an addict. Of course I would think drugs were in my future.

**Edward**

Hearing Bella talk to Emmett had almost killed me. Because she was right, this was my fault. I left, I made my family leave. Maybe if she had still had them she wouldn't have done this. Our leaving had turned out to be more dangerous than if we had stayed. It hurt me to look at Bella, to smell her. She didn't look alive and she smelled…numb…was the best way to describe it.

I saw Bella nod to Alice in Alice's mind. She wanted to try to get clean. Thank god. They walked inside slowly. Bella was obviously uncomfortable.

She walked straight to Esme and gave her a hug and then she gave one to Carlisle. Emmett, Alice, Jasper and even Rose got hugs. She didn't even look at me. She sat on the couch; her fidgeting was getting worse by the minute.

**Bella**

It was still bearable, the pain wasn't too bad. I dug my nails into my thighs. Trying to draw blood. I wanted Jasper to bite me. The others would pull him off so he wouldn't kill me. I was betting that being a newborn still filled with human blood would be the only thing better than shooting up.

Edward had once compared the scent of my blood to heroin. I was Edward's own personal brand of heroin. It's funny how things work out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks so much for the Reviews! I hope you all enjoy chapter 3, let me know what you think!**

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**Edward**

Bella was trying not to fidget by digging her nails into her thighs. She was dehydrated and her ragged nails tore through her skin like it was paper. Blood seeped up from the wounds and Bella looked up at Jasper, she didn't look scared like I thought she would, she looked hopeful.

"Bella, you smell horrible, even Jasper wouldn't want you right now." I said, my voice was low. I couldn't believe she had purposefully bled herself in a room full of vampires. "Carlisle can I see you in the other room? Bella, I'm going to leave for a minute, will you be okay by yourself?"

"I was fine without you for eight months, I'm sure I can survive a few more minutes."

"Fine? Bella you are anything but fine." Carlisle grabbed my arm and we went into the kitchen. I didn't want Bella to hear us.

"What happens now? I don't know a lot about drug withdrawal."

"Well it smells like she been taking cocaine, meth, and heroin pretty regularly. I don't know where she's getting her stuff but everything is surprisingly pure. Truthfully I'm surprised she hasn't overdosed. It's going to be really rough for her the next few days. You need to lay down the law and make her eat and drink or I'm going to have to give her an IV and I'd really rather not do that. She is going to be very sick for a while. She's going to need you."

I nodded and pinched the bridge of my nose. I needed to be there for Bella but she didn't want me around at all. It would be an interesting few days. "We need to call Charlie."

"I'll do it," Carlisle volunteered. I nodded again and walked out of the room.

I sat next to Bella and tried to take her hand but she scooted away. "Bella I need you to eat something and drink some water. Otherwise Carlisle is going to hook you up to an IV."

She looked at me like I was crazy. "That's a stupid threat. Needles don't scare me anymore."

"Obviously."

"You know you're a lot more sarcastic than you used to be."

I sighed and bit back a retort. She was right. I went to get her a glass of water.

**Bella**

I thought it was funny that Edward thought the threat of an IV would do anything. I took the glass of water he offered me though and took a few sips. It gave me something to do, something to concentrate on besides the aching in all my limbs.

I looked up; everyone else had vanished while I was staring at my water.

"I don't understand why you're here, why you're doing this."

"Because of Alice's vision."

"But why do you care? I'm just a human. You don't want me. So why do you care?" I knew I was repeating myself. I needed to know why he was making me miserable though. It didn't make sense to me.

"I love you Bella." He said, as if it was that simple.

"Right. That's why you left and told me you didn't want me."

"Bella, I thought, no at the time I _knew, _that I was bad for you. I wanted you to be able to live a normal human life and to be happy. I figured that you couldn't possibly love me as much as I love you. That even though I would be miserable forever, that you would get over me quickly. I can see now that I was wrong. My leaving obviously didn't do you any good. You are my life, my everything Bella. I am truly sorry that I left. I don't expect you to forgive me but I need you to know that I am not leaving again."

I stared at Edward, really looking at him for the first time sense he had come back. He was beautiful. Still. Always. I'd never seen the dark circles under his eyes as prominent as they were. I knew that he must be starving. Even in my current state, even after what he had done, I couldn't stand to be the reason he was in pain.

"Will you do me a favor?"

"Anything my love."

"Go hunt." He didn't move for a few seconds. "Please Edward?"

He nodded. "I'll go hunt if you eat. What do you want?"

Damn tricky vampire. I wasn't really hungry but I'd eat if he would. "Pizza?"

Edward nodded again; he seemed to be doing a lot of that today. "Emmett?" He looked at me. "Emmett will order you a pizza and keep you company if you want. Everyone else is doing errands, getting set back up." He came over to me and kissed me on the forehead. I nodded and stared off into space.

They were moving back. They would always be watching me, making sure I didn't do this again. I'd figure it out. I could meet my dealer in broad daylight while the sun was shining. It wasn't the smartest idea but it would keep them from stopping me. If I could get through the next few days I could get out of here. I could get back to my life.

I looked back to where Edward was but he was gone already. Emmett sat down and flipped on the TV.

"I thought you would only keep me company if I wanted company."

"I ordered your pizza. Anything you wanna watch?"

"No. You can pick." I watched him flip through channels too fast for me to see. When he stopped I was watching someone do lines. I looked at Emmett but he kept watching. It was a documentary about two girls who were addicted to drugs. They looked horrible, they did horrible things. I watched them do lines and shoot up and god help me I wanted to be them.

"Your sense of humor leaves something to be desired Emmett." He didn't respond. "Do I look like that?"

"Yeah Bella. You act like that too."

"I act different?" I didn't know what to say. I was sorry I was being a bitch, that I had hurt people. But it didn't make me want to stop. I still wanted the high so bad. I wondered why. Edward was back, if I had him back why did I need the drugs? I rubbed my leg and itched my arm. I had my answer: so I wouldn't feel like this. I sighed and put my hand on my arm to stop it from twitching. Emmett paused the TV and angled his body so he was facing me.

"Want to tell me what happened?"

"You all left."

"And?"

"And I lost it. I didn't eat and when I was able sleep I woke up screaming. Someone from school offered me coke. I took it, kept it, but didn't use it. I kept telling myself that it would get better, that one day it wouldn't hurt so much. And then Jake and I started hanging out. I didn't get better really but it wasn't so bad. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but its how I felt. Then one day I did something really stupid. And I heard Edward's voice. He was yelling and calling me stupid and pleading with me." I glanced at Emmett; he wasn't looking at me like I was insane so I kept going. "So I did more stupid things. I got the tattoos, the piercings, I drank, I got a motorcycle and rode it too fast. I did everything I could to hear Edwards voice. But it started to fade. The more stupid things I did the better I got at them and his voice didn't object as much anymore. But I still had Jake. And I had fun doing all these stupid things with him. And then Jake…well Jake sort of left me too. And it hurt so bad. Not as bad as when Edward left. But bad enough." I glanced up and Emmett was still looking at me so I kept talking.

"I remember thinking that I was on a ledge and that I knew I was either going to fall off or that I could jump. I chose to jump. So I did my first two lines and I felt so much better. Not good, never good, never okay, but better. So I got more and soon I was doing a few bags a day. And then my guy said that I should try crank because it was better than the blow and so I did. It made me feel better for a while, still not good, but better. And then one day I snorted heroin. And it was amazing. It made me feel peaceful and for once I didn't care that you all had left. I didn't care about anything. Before I knew it I was dropping $150 or so a day and shooting up whenever I could. I still do meth and blow sometimes but it's not the same. I bet it's a little something like being one of you. The animal blood lets you live but you'll always crave human." I looked at Emmett and he nodded. "Now imagine being told you can't have any at all."

I gave Emmett a pointed look but he didn't have the expression on his face that I expected him to. He looked like he understood. The doorbell rang and I followed Emmett to the door to get my pizza. He paid the driver and included a large tip; the Cullen house wasn't really within delivery perimeters.

I ate two pieces, probably more than I'd eaten in days and drank a whole glass of water. Emmett and I finished watching the TV show about the addicts. One girl OD'ed the other went into rehab. I guess that's where I was now. My own personal rehab. My own personal hell.


	4. Chapter 4

**Happy reading! Fair warning: I might have been a bit hungover while editing, so I am sorry about any errors. Lets say 10 reviews = another chapter?**

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Edward walked in the back door as I was picking all the toppings off the pizza and putting them into food group piles. I was trying to stay distracted. I was cold and shaky and I pretty much felt miserable.

Normally by now I would need a hit not only physically but because by now I would be thinking of Edward. Only now he was here in all his immortal glory. And his eyes were back to their gorgeous butterscotch color and there were no dark circles anymore. It helped. I was still angry at him, but now I didn't miss him. And that changed things just a little. I was struggling against myself now, against my need for the heroin or the other drugs.

"Bella sweetie what are you doing?" I looked down. I was building a pizza topping tower.

"I just need something to do. I don't feel very good." I really didn't want to make anyone keep me company but I needed to do something.

"Maybe you should try to get some sleep."

"I can't sleep." I rarely slept anymore.

"Would you like to play a game?" Edward was walking toward a cupboard I knew was filled with board games. I got up and walked over to him. I grabbed his waist and pulled myself up on my tiptoes so I could rest my chin on his shoulder. He was blocking my view and the action came as natural as breathing to me, even after all this time. He stiffened a little and I dropped my arms and took a step back.

"Pick a game Bella," Edward said with a smile. He stepped aside and I grabbed Life. Emmett groaned and Edward sent him a shut up look.

Edward had the game set up in a few seconds and then Alice came in. She sat down gracefully next to me and we all took our turns. I was going to school first as were Edward and Alice. Emmett just wanted a job.

I lost horribly and sighed in defeat. I was itchy and sweaty. I looked at Edward. "Can we go swimming in the river?"

"Sure." Edward looked to Alice but Alice was already on her feet pulling me up. She took me to her and Jasper's room, which had most of their stuff back in it and led me to the closet. She got a brand new bikini, still with tags and gave it to me.

I was shaking a little as I went to put it on. I looked at myself in the mirror and winced. I'd always been thin but any semblance of curves that I had once had were long gone. I could count my ribs and by hop bones jutted out sharply. The bikini was one that tied so I was able to get it to stay on.

I walked out of the bathroom and Alice took in the picture before her. She grinned when she my belly button ring. It was a vampire bat. She looked at my tattoos and shook her head.

"You're going to have those for thousands of years you know."

"I could still die."

"No. Something changed. You'll be one of us."

"Well that tattoos still fit, even if that does happen."

"I suppose they do." Alice took my shaking hand and led me downstairs.

What had changed? I still wanted the drugs. I still needed them in fact. My body, my mind was aching for just one syringe full, one line. We walked outside and I took in the look of shock on Emmett's face when he saw what I had done to my body. Maybe he hadn't believed me when I mentioned the body art.

I walked into the river. The current wasn't strong here but I never would have swam alone. I felt safe with the three vampires. Oh wait make that five. Rosalie and Jasper had joined us. So here I was, with the vampires I thought of as my brothers and sisters and the one I used to think of as my forever.

The water felt good, it was cool and relaxing and it strangely took away my chills. It made me stopping itching and my body didn't feel as tired when I stood in the water. It was dark out but the house gave off enough glow for me to see okay.

Jasper was sending off waves of calm and peace it was helping now a little. My mind was too fucked up for it to work like it was supposed to though. I looked at the house; I could see Carlisle moving around in his office. It hit me suddenly. Carlisle would have morphine. If I could find a way to get into Carlisle's office I could at least get enough to calm my nerves a bit.

Alice spoke suddenly. "Edward, Bella is planning on trying to get some of Carlisle's morphine."

"You bitch!"

Everyone froze and looked at me. Had I just called Alice a bitch? I hadn't meant too. It had just popped out. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." I was suddenly very sad and I was panicking. I didn't want them to leave me again. They couldn't leave again.

**Edward**

I could see the panic edging into Bella's eyes as we stood in the river.

"I'm so sorry. Don't leave me again, don't leave me please." She was clearly having some sort of panic attack. It broke my heart. I waded toward her slowly, holding out my hand.

"Bella sweetie, don't worry. Alice isn't mad or upset. She loves you, we all love you and we're not leaving again. We just want you to get better. You know that right?" My voice was calm, inside I wasn't calm. Inside I wanted to rip the head off of whoever had given her that first baggie of coke.

I hated to see her like this, hated that even high and needing more so badly, that she still cared more about other people than herself. I'd once called myself masochistic in reference to Bella, but the truth was we both fit that bill pretty well.

Bella suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled herself toward me. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly as she cried. My family silently disappeared, leaving me alone to take care of the girl I loved.

She cried for what seemed like hours, each of those tears making me feel even worse about what I had done, about leaving her.

When the tears stopped we were quiet and then she spoke, "I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean Bella?"

"I don't want to disappoint you...but I don't think I can stop. I just want it so bad."

"Bella, you could never disappoint me. It hurts me to see you like this but I'm not disappointed in you. Isn't there anything else you can think of that you want more than drugs right now? Anything in the whole world?"

"You."

"You have me Bella. I'm not changing you though until you're clean. You need to know you can do this. That you can resist."

"You still want me?"

"Bella I will want you until the day I am gone from this earth."

She nodded and smiled at me. Her shaking was getting worse. I swung her onto my back and walked inside the house. She laid her head on my shoulder and took her upstairs to the shower. I turned it on and had her test it to make sure it was too hot. We stood in the shower together until the water ran cold.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hope you enjoy it! Review for more!

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It was just after 4:00am when Edward took me out of the shower and started drying me off. Suddenly I could only think of two things. Edward touching me was foremost on my mind, but there was also that other need. My body was suddenly burning for two things at once and I knew I had to choose one or the other. I couldn't satisfy my need for drugs right now, maybe I could satisfy my need for Edward.

It seemed strange to me that after almost a year of being without him, a year of alternating between loving him so much it hurt and hating, that my body, my mind would still react this way to him. That I could still want him so thoroughly confused me.

I bit my lip and stood up on my tippy toes so I could wrap my arms around his neck. The coolness of his granite skin felt good against my arms. His clothes were dripping on to the floor of the bathroom.

My hands were shaking as I unbuttoned the top button on his shirt. Edward hadn't moved a millimeter since I started touching him. It took me a few minutes to get all the buttons undone. I slowly lowered the shirt down his shoulders and let it fall to the floor. Edward still hadn't so much as batted an eyelash.

I let my fingers trail down his chest until I reached the waistband of his jeans. Edward's movement was so sudden that I was confused when it happened. I was alone in the bathroom. I looked out into the bedroom and saw Edward staring out the window.

Really I hadn't expected anything. I was totally screwed up and horrible now. If he hadn't wanted me back then why would he want me now? I was no better, I was worse. He had just told me he loved me, but obviously that wasn't the case.

I got dressed quickly and walked downstairs. No one was in the living room so I curled into a ball on the couch. I felt someone sit beside the couch and I opened an eye to see. It was Edward. I knew it would be of course.

"I'm sorry if I upset you Bella. I just want you to be clean and sober when we…I want you to know what decision you are making. I love you very much Bella."

"You wouldn't be doing this if you loved me. You wouldn't be making me go through this pain." It was a low blow and right after I said it I wished I hadn't. I still felt sort of like it was true though. They said they were helping me, but I was hurting so bad. He was letting me be in so much pain.

We sat there for a long time. I was starting to shake pretty badly and I ached all over. I was regretting the pizza from earlier, my stomach wasn't feeling well. I felt Edward pick me up and carry me to his room, I didn't have the energy to resist. He laid me on his new bed and I sighed. I wasn't sick enough to think beds in a house where no one sleeps weren't ridiculous.

I couldn't sleep but I didn't feel entirely conscious. I was sweaty and Edward was pressed against me. I could tell Edward was worried and at one point Carlisle came in and they discussed if they could do anything to help. I could hear their frantic whispers as they discussed giving me something for the pain. I wanted to scream yes but I couldn't seem to make the words come out of my mouth.

I couldn't eat or drink and Carlisle finally had to put in an IV. The moment the needle slid into my vein I moaned. And then I cried, because the liquid that was pumped into me wasn't what I needed, what I wanted.

Despite not being what I wanted it did make me feel marginally better. At least I was getting some nutrients into my malnourished body. Edward lay with me, reading some supernatural teen romance. Vampire man meets human girl, loves her with all of his heart, she loves him back, and they get married. Yay. If only real life was that simple.

If real life worked that way I wouldn't be lying here in pain, wishing instead for the blaze that would make me equal to Edward.

I looked at the clock. It had been twenty-seven hours since those last lines. I hadn't gone this long ever. I usually could make it ten hours max. I was worried, I'd figured after a full day the cravings would go away. They hadn't, they were worse. My whole body felt like it was strumming with the need for a high.

Everyone took turns keeping me company. Sometimes I just lay in bed, other times I paced back and forth. I went from not being able to sit still to not being able to move. The minutes ticked by, the hours seemed like days.

I was tired but I couldn't sleep, no matter what I or the others did. I watched every season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. My family was amused by the portrayal of vampires in the show.

I dosed off during one of the last episodes, cuddled into Edward's arms.

When I woke up it was just getting dark out. It had been around three am when I had fallen asleep. I'd slept 15 hours or so.

For the first time in three days, really the first time since Edward had left, I felt hope. It wasn't so bad. I wasn't as achy, I didn't feel as twitchy. The need was still there, but it wasn't as strong. I couldn't lie to myself, if someone set a syringe in front of me now I would grab it. I needed it. But I no longer wanted to need it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you all so much for the reviews! I'm glad everyone is liking this darker version. The end of this chapter is slightly naughty so I'm upping the rating to M. **

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Life moved on at an agonizing pace. I was over the worst my withdrawals but I still ached to slide on a needle into my arm. I was slowly become comfortable around Edward again. I didn't know what we were or what he wanted exactly. I didn't even know what I wanted.

I tried to just go with the flow and not freak out about things. My family kept a very close eye on me. I had lost another five pounds while I was here but I was starting to eat again. Someone was always handing me nuts or a can of Ensure. Emmett fed me M&M's like I was a dog and they were treats. I didn't mind. I loved those M&M's.

I'd been with the Cullen's for a little over a week when Charlie showed up. I had realized at this point how much I had put him through, I felt horrible about it. I was sitting on the couch with my head down when he came in.

"Hi Bella."

"Hi Dad. "I'm sorry…"

"Charlie sighed. "It's going to be fine Bella, you're going to get better." He suddenly gave me a huge hug and I was crying into his shoulder.

"Am I coming home with you?"

"Bella…I think it might be better if you stay here with the Dr. Cullen and Esme. They can take better care of you and it's obvious that being here makes you happy. You'll always have a room at the house kid, but I think for now this is best." I certainly hadn't expected him to say that. I wasn't sure if I was happy or upset about this new development. "Now I talked to your school, and they are willing to let you back in, despite how much you missed, as long as you take all the same classes as Edward. They know how smart he is and figure this way he can tutor you and help you catch up. Hopefully in six months you'll be ready to graduate with the rest of your class. You have a lot of work to do though."

"I understand." I talked to Charlie for a few more minutes and then hugged him goodbye. As he was walking out the door he stopped suddenly.

"Bella, call Jake. He's worried sick about you." I nodded and Charlie closed the door behind himself.

I turned to Carlisle and Esme. "Thank you both, for letting me stay here. I…it means a lot to me." Esme hugged me to her and laid a kiss on my head.

"Bella you are our family. We love you."

For a while I had though I wasn't their family anymore, but now I realized that whether Edward wanted me or not, I would always be a part of the Cullen family. When I glanced around Edward was suddenly right next to me.

"Come for a walk with me please?" He asked. I nodded and we walked out the back doors. "Bella I've tried to be patient but I have to know."

"Have to know what Edward?" I was curious. There wasn't much that Edward didn't know, couldn't pick up on.

"Can you ever forgive me for leaving? Do you still love me? Do you want to be with me?"

I raised an eyebrow at him, "Edward you said you didn't want me anymore."

"We've been over this Bella. I lied. To keep you safe, I lied. I didn't mean a word of that. I love you more than anything. I am so very sorry that I hurt you." His voice was so pained that it made me hurt too.

I was beginning to believe him. It was hard not to, with the pain and fear of rejection so evident in his voice. I nodded slowly, "I think I can Edward. I will love you until the day I leave this earth. And yes…but I think we need to take things slowly."

"May I kiss you?"

I grinned, my first real smile in weeks and he leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. My heart sped and then stuttered, my pulse raced. He pulled away. He was my natural high. I took his hand and we walked for a short while.

"Are you ready for school tomorrow?" Edward asked. Ah. School. I hadn't been for a few weeks, the month before that my attendance was spotty. Edward could help me catch up though, and Forks High didn't have the type of people who would torment me about my…addiction. Plus I would have Edward and Alice there to protect me. I gave a brief not to Edward and we walked back toward the house. It was time to feed the human. Esme had cooked for me again.

"Esme, I can make my own food, you don't always have to cook for me."

I realized right away I had said something wrong.

"Do I not do it right?" She thought I didn't like her cooking. Crap.

"No no! Esme you are an amazing cook! I love everything you make. It's just that I feel like you're waiting on me and I'm taking advantage."

"Bella I've found that I truly enjoy cooking. It makes me happy. And remember, it really takes me no time at all. So please don't feel bad." Esme patted me on the head and set a plate of spaghetti in front of me. I dug in and even ate some garlic bread. I drank a Pepsi and Edward grimaced. You would think after months of snorting blow and shooting heroin that caffeine would no longer affect me. You would be wrong.

I was feeling fairly perky after my dessert and I joined the rest of the Cullens in the living room. Apparently we were having family game night. We were playing monopoly. I lost terribly. Edward and Alice both did very good and Jasper did well too. Everyone else did okay but nothing amazing. At ten Edward stood up and offered me his hand.

"Rest time for Bella. We have school tomorrow." I let him pull me up and I gave hugs to everyone, I came to Jasper last.

"You don't have to Jasper. It won't make me feel bad. I don't want to push you."

"Don't be silly little sister. I love you. I would never…I have control over myself now…" He sent out some calming vibes that I didn't really need and gave me a hug. I felt better knowing that Jasper wasn't upset about what had happened.

Edward took me upstairs and tucked me in as he did every night. Usually he left. Tonight I held his hand and tugged him back toward me. "Will you stay with me tonight?"

He slid in next to me and held me against his chilly body. I wiggled closer to him and felt him hard against my ass. Moisture instantly pooled between my legs. I let out a small moan and turned towards him.

"Bella…"

"I'm not asking for more than you can give Edward. I need…" I didn't know how to phrase it and so I pushed myself against him a little. He was suddenly kissing my neck. His hand found its way up my tank top and my nipple pebbled against his cold skin. He slid his hand down my stomach and into my pajama pants. He traced a finger over my wet panties. We'd never gone this far before. His finger brushed over my clit and I gasped. My pants and underwear were both suddenly gone and I was on my back. My legs were slightly spread. Edward was looking into my eyes as he ran one finger up and down my slit.

"You are so wet Bella and you smell so good." I moaned a little as his finger brushed over my clit. He trailed his finger down over my folds and slipped it inside of me. Just a little. I needed more. He seemed to read my mind. His long finger was inside me. And then he had three fingers inside me. He was pumping them in and out of my wet folds. He started to rub my clit with his thumb and I was gone within seconds. It had been so long since I'd had an orgasm. Since…I couldn't think about that. Not with Edward right next to me.

Edward brought his fingers up to his mouth and sucked my juices off of them. I watched him sleepily as he pulled my PJ's back on. "Go to sleep my love."

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**The next chapter is going to have a bit of a dangerous twist to it. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Hope everyone enjoys this chapter! Thanks for all the reviews and story alert, favorite story, etc adds! Means the world! Keep em coming!

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When I woke up in the morning I was snuggled against Edward. I yawned and sat up a little.

"Morning my love. Go have your human time. I'll be here when you get back."

I smiled a little. Edward always seemed to know what I needed before I did. I did my normal routine and opened the bedroom door once I was wrapped in my towel. I decided I would actually do my hair and makeup today.

"Come keep me company while I get ready?" I asked. I could see him debating, I was in a towel. Apparently bad boy Edward won because he was suddenly sitting on the countertop watching me. I brushed my teeth and picked up a glass of water. My towel slipped and that must have distracted Edward because he didn't grab the glass when I dropped it. We both dropped down to the floor to pick up the pieces. A shard of glass sliced into my palm and we both froze.

I was worried about Jasper. I didn't want him to feel bad about wanting to eat me again.

"They're all hunting."

I sighed, "That's good." I looked into his very black eyes and I couldn't help the smirk that formed on my face. This was dangerous. I liked it. I slowly brought my palm to my mouth and licked the blood from my palm.

Edward moaned. I offered him my palm. I could see him fighting with himself. It was too late. He was too far gone. His hands darted out and grabbed my arm. The moment his mouth touched me I was wet. It was sex. He sucked on the cut and I could feel the blood pulsing out of me. It felt amazing. I arched off the ground and moaned loudly. It was only seconds before I realized that he wasn't going to be able to stop. That he was sucking me dry but not giving me any venom in return.

He had once told me that the only thing that had as much pull as my blood was my body. I knew the only thing I could do now was turn his appetite for blood into an appetite for sex. I wasn't sure it would work. I stayed calm. I ran the fingers of my left hand over abs and chest. I felt his him tremble under my touch. He was still working my hand, sending shudders through me. I was dripping wet. The moisture was leaking down my legs. I used my left hand to undo the buttons on his jeans. He didn't protest as I slid them down over his legs. We were on the floor; Edward had his back pressed against the shower. I was kneeling in front of him.

He was going slow, savoring this, savoring me. I kissed his neck and he paused for a second and I knew I was on the right track. I straddled him and he paused again. There was something in his eyes besides the blood lust now. I could feel him so hard and big in between my thighs. My pussy was rubbing against him and I almost came as he took one huge pull at the cut on my hand.

I slid my pussy over him slowly. I was wet and so ready for him. Even though he was huge I was able to slide myself down until my folds were resting at the base of his cock. He had stopped sucking on my hand. He dropped it and put his hands on my hips. He moved me, started rocking me back and forth. I dropped my head to his neck and rode him hard. I came after only a few strokes and it seemed to snap him out of his daze. He didn't stop fucking me. I found myself on my back with my legs wrapped around his waist as he plunged himself into my wet folds over and over. He started whispering apology after apology into my ear. I was scratching at his back and pumping my hips to meet his.

"Don't Edward…just…oh…oh god yes…oh fuck Edward don't stop…please…" I was coming again and this time I felt Edward shudder above me. His hand on either side of my head dug into the tile as he spilled inside of me. We laid there panting for several minutes.

I looked up and I could see the pain in Edward eyes. His blood red eyes.

"Don't you dare Edward. Don't you dare beat yourself up over this. This was all me and my fucking daredevil tendencies. And I would do it exactly the same way again."

He slowly got off of me and helped me up. I wished I could know what he was thinking. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my hair. He hadn't said a word. The cut was still bleeding. He wrapped my towel back around me and pressed a wash cloth to the hand. He pulled on his jeans and zipped them. I needed to take a shower but I didn't argue when he took me into Carlisle's office and sat me down.

"Bella will you please stay here until Carlisle gets back?" I nodded. He must be very angry with me I thought.

He left the room. It was only fifteen or so minutes before I heard the shouting. Edward was being yelled at by Rose and Jasper. Carlisle knocked before letting himself into the office. His eyes got wide when he saw me but he quickly wiped the look off of his face.

"Bella? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Carlisle…I'm…Okay? Except that I think that Edward hates me."

"Edward doesn't hate you. I think Edward hates himself right now. Can you tell me what happened while I stitch this up?"

"I uh…I was getting ready and I dropped my glass. I cut myself. I did something really stupid." It hit me then, what I had done. I started crying. How could I have done that? Edward must feel…I don't even know. He must hate me. He must hate himself.

When I looked up Carlisle was waiting for me to stop shaking. He had a syringe in one hand. My mouth started to water.

"It's just a local numbing agent Bella." I shrugged. I pulled myself together so he could suture me.

"So, what happened Bella?"

"Edward didn't tell you?"

"No. He just said you'd been hurt."

"I licked the cut. And then…god…I offered him my hand," I said. Carlisle jerked a little and looked up. I was ashamed of myself. "He…uh…he took it. And I realized he wasn't going to stop."

"He drank your blood? Bella how did he stop?" I wasn't sure what the tone of his voice meant.

"He once told me that the only thing he wanted as much as my blood was my body. I uh…distracted him with…you know…"

"You used sex to distract him?"

I nodded, embarrassed. Carlisle kept stitching but didn't say anything else. I needed to leave. Everyone was mad at me.

"Okay Bella, you're all done. I can give you some aspirin but nothing stronger."

"I'm fine. I'm going to go get my stuff together and then I'll leave." I started to walk out of his office but a cold hand on my shoulder stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going Bella?"

"I'm not sure. But I know you don't want me here."

"Bella. We want you here. We all love you. Esme and I think of you as our daughter. I'm sure Edward is upset with himself, but not at you. No one is upset with you. You're alive, that's all that matters to anyone."

Carlisle wrapped me in a hug and I broke down again. Carlisle held me as I sobbed for at least a half an hour. I heard the door open and close and I was being transferred to another pair of arms. It was Edward.

"Shhh Bella, shhh. It's okay baby. I'm so sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry. I love you baby. I'm sorry." His apologies surprised me so much that I stopped crying.

"Why are you sorry? I'm the stupid one that…god I'm so sorry Edward I don't know what I was thinking…"

I looked up and stared into his crimson eyes. Both of us were sorry for something the other person wasn't mad about. We stayed like that for a long time, just looking at each other. Calming down.

I broke first. "You know what the really sick part is? That was…it was the best feeling I've ever had." Edwards red eyes widened.

"For me yes…and the worst…but for you? You must have been terrified…"

"Why the worst? And I was not terrified. I was so turned on I could barely move. It was better than sex. But then sex with you was even better…Christ…"

"I didn't think I could stop. I thought I was killing you and I couldn't stop, part of me didn't want to stop."

"Part of me didn't want you to stop." We sat silently for a while, side by side with our backs to the wall.

"What happens now?"

"Fuck if I know."


	8. Chapter 8

**Happy new chapter day! Enjoy. 15 reviews gets more...

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We both sat silently for a few hours, lost in our own thoughts and the questions that we didn't want to ask each other.

I wanted to know if he was leaving again. I wanted to know if it was the first time a vampire had drank a humans blood and been able to stop. I wanted to know what I tasted like. I wanted to know if he wanted more.

I could only imagine what thoughts and questions were running through his head. I hoped that he would tell me, ask me. I looked over to find Edward looking at me. His eyes were sad, but even being blood red they didn't scare me. I couldn't take it anymore.

"When are you leaving?" I asked. I looked down, scared to see his face when he answered. We'd had the goodbye conversation before, and I wasn't looking forward to it again.

"Bella, I'm not leaving. I don't know…maybe it would be better for you, but I can't live without you again. I won't."

I looked up and nodded. "Good. Can…have other vampires done that?"

"No Bella. Usually…there is no way to stop the blood lust. If you hadn't done what you did I wouldn't have stopped."

"Could you stop again?"

Edward looked at me sharply, "Why would you ask that?"

I started pulling on one of my curls, "Well if you could stop…and if it would make you happy…"

Edward growled low in his throat and spoke in a low voice, "Bella. Do not even think about it. I could have killed you. Do you not understand that?"

"I do. But you stopped. I'm your singer Edward, if you could have that…why wouldn't you?"

"Bella…you still have the mind of an addict right now. You're not thinking of the consequences, just the pleasure. Yes, god, drinking your blood was amazing; almost as good as sliding into you…but…we can't do that again Bella. Plus I don't think the red eyes are a good look for me."

"Okay. I understand. It just felt so good. You have no idea Edward. Heroin was nothing compared to that. Why uh…why wasn't I turned?"

"I made sure to suck out any venom that got near you."

I nodded, "It tingles. But not like the scar from James…that one is cold but sometimes it burns. This…it feels good."

"It should've hurt. I've never heard of a bite feeling good."

"You didn't bite." I pointed out.

"I guess I didn't. Bella, are we? I mean was that…us being together, is that what you want?"

"I don't know Edward. I don't think it matters. I mean I could try to keep my distance but it wouldn't matter. I'm as in love with you now as I was before you left. That won't change."

"I love you Bella. I want to take care of you. But to do that I need you stop being so damn reckless. I mean Christ Bella, any other person in the world would have tried to get away or something. You, well you offer me your blood."

Edward's attitude seemed to be bringing out my own. "Yeah well, might not have been my best idea ever but you have to admit, we both had a fucking lot of fun. Speaking of fucking, how was that for you?" Even I knew my voice had taken on a slightly condescending tone.

"That was amazing."

"Oh. Are we going to be doing that again?"

"Bella." Edward shook his head. "Let's go get you something to eat."

I ignored the fact that he ignored my question and followed him down to the kitchen. Esme was making me chicken and rice. Alice came to sit next to me as Edward grabbed me a coke.

Edwards head whipped towards Alice and he growled slightly.

"Hey don't shoot the messenger Edward. I don't make the future, I just have the visions."

Alice stalked out of the room and Edward sat down next to me.

"What did she see Edward?"

"Nothing Bella. Nothing you need to worry about."

I doubted that. Edward always wanted to protect me, and he always seemed to think Alice's visions might go away if they were ignored. He was wrong on both accounts. He should've told me and the future wasn't going to go away. He also should have realized that I wouldn't let it go.

"Mmkay. What do you want to do tonight?" I got out my phone and sent a quick text message to Alice.

"You can pick. What are you doing?"

"Text messaging Jake." And by that time I was.

"Bella you can't talk to Jake. He's a werewolf. A young one. They are dangerous."

"Jake isn't dangerous, he's my friend and I haven't talked to him for a long time." A reply from Alice popped onto the screen and I read it quickly before deleting it. Interesting. She had seen us repeating this morning's experiment.

My message to Jake was simple. **Hey Jake. How are you? I miss you.**

It was only a few seconds before he texted me back. _**Hey Bella. I'm fine, how are you? Are you doing better? I'm sorry about…everything. I miss you. I love you. **_

Ah. And there was the reason I hadn't talked to him. Well that and the whole 'he stopped talking to me because he couldn't or didn't want to tell me he was a werewolf thing.'

**I'm hanging in there. Don't be sorry. Love you too.**

I sent the text and looked up to find Edward gone.

"You love him?" I jumped slightly. Edward was standing right behind me.

I sighed, "Yes. Not quite the same way. But I do. I'm sorry."

It was Edward's turn to sigh, "Don't be sorry Bella. This morning…that wasn't your first time was it?"

Shaking my head no was quite possibly the hardest thing I'd ever had to do.

"Jake?" This time I shook my head yes.

"I'm sorry…I was so messed up and…" I wasn't going to cry. I told myself I had cried enough.

Edward apparently didn't want me to cry either. "Bella it's okay. I love you."

I nodded and hugged him tightly. He bent down and pressed his lips to me gently. I felt him harden against me almost instantly and I pulled back and cocked an eyebrow at him.

He had the good graces to look mildly embarrassed, " Sorry."

I went to grab my Pepsi and reached with my hurt hand. My blood felt like it was boiling for a second and my vision went black.

"Bella are you okay?" I waved my hand at him to let me know I was okay. He picked up my hand and kissed the cut. My whole body started to vibrate with need. Edward froze, I felt like I had just had hours of foreplay.

"Well that's new and interesting."

Edward just nodded his head slowly.


	9. Chapter 9

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Apparently this situation called for a family meeting. We all gathered around the dining room table. Carlisle was the first to speak.

"Okay I think we all know what happened…does anyone have any ideas?"

Everyone looked at each other. "Maybe because usually when you guys bite…it's to kill? But Edward didn't bite me, didn't want to kill me…maybe that matters…"

Carlisle nodded, "It's possible. I suppose anything is possible. Bella would you mind if one of us?"

I nodded, "Sure…who?"

Alice stood up and walked over to me. I gave her my hand; she laid a kiss on the stitched skin. Nothing happened. Carlisle picked up my hand, "May I?" I nodded again. Nothing happened. The rest of the family laid gentle kisses on it but it just stayed kind of sore. We came back to Edward again and when he caressed his lips over it my whole body went ridged and I moaned.

"Fuck." This came from Jasper. Everyone turned to look at him. "That was like a huge burst of pure love and lust…it was intense." I nodded in agreement. It was intense. Edward was now rubbing his finger over the cut and even that was intense. "Would you please stop that?" Jasper asked. Edward dropped my hand.

"Sorry Jasper." Edward and Jasper were staring at each other. "Yeah…" Edward shifted uncomfortably. I cocked an eyebrow at him, wondering what silent question had just been asked and answered.

I pondered it for a bit and then realized the meeting was coming to an end.

"Bella you're obviously tired, considering you just blanked out on thirty minutes of conversation. You guys are going to school tomorrow. Get some sleep." Carlisle said.

Oh yeah, I'd forgotten that we were supposed to go to school today. A lot had happened in the past 12 hours. I walked upstairs and went to Edward's room. I undressed and pulled on one of his t-shirts. I was brushing my teeth and he was leaning against the doorframe watching me. He was in some PJ pants and didn't have a shirt on.

"You sleeping in here tonight?"

"Yeah…if it's okay. You don't have to stay up here with me if you don't want to though."

"Don't be silly Bella. Of course I'll stay with you." I nodded and crawled into the bed. Edward got in next to me and I cuddled myself to him. He grabbed my hand and traced his finger of the cut. My body tensed up and started to strum with lust.

"Edward…"

"I know what I'm doing Bella…" He kissed the cut and ran his hand under my shirt when I moaned. My back arched off the bed when he licked along the stitched skin. My body felt like it was on fire and I could feeling the moisture pooling in between my thighs. My hands were suddenly being held above my head. Edward tugged my shirt off of me and sucked a nipple into his icy cold mouth. I plunged my hands into his hair and yanked on it.

"I need…now…" I moved my hands down to his pants and pushed them down his hips. A second later my legs were wrapped around his waist and he was pushing into me gently. "It's okay…I won't break…harder…" He plunged into me and I screamed. I scratched at his back knowing that I couldn't even make the slightest of scratches in his marble skin. I tilted my hips slightly and Edward moaned as he slid deeper inside of me.

His lips brushed of my ear, "I love you Bella." I bit my lip as his found my neck. He slowly sucked and I pressed into him. I thought about what Alice had said. Edward's teeth brushed my pulse point and my heart almost stopped.

My voice came out in a husky whisper, "Do it Edward…Please…just…do it…" His teeth scraped along my skin. I could tell he was trying to decide. We were playing with more that fire right now. We were standing on the ledge of a volcano and Edward was trying to decide if he wanted to jump in. He chose to jump. I came the second his teeth broke my skin. My body convulsed in a never ending orgasm as he sucked at the wound. It was less than a minute before he pulled away and was coming inside me. Edward collapsed against me for the second time that day. He pressed the t-shirt I'd been wearing against my neck.

"You stopped easily enough."

"Yeah you seem to be able to distract me pretty well."

"Mmm. Right back atcha." I curled up against his side.

"Bella we need to do something about your neck." His voice was calm but worried.

"No its fine. Unless the smell?" I didn't want him in pain all night because of the blood.

"No that's not bothering me." He stroked my hair.

"Mmk. Will you wake me up at seven?" I was slowly falling into a post orgasm blissed out sleep.

I fell asleep quickly and slept through the night. When Edward woke me up in the morning I felt amazing. I got ready quickly but my good mood started to fade as we drove towards school. Everyone knew what I had been up to. I was sure to be the center of attention today. To top it off, even Alice hadn't been able to cover up the prominent bite mark on my neck. I had a scarf wrapped around my neck. Edward was wearing contacts cover up his eye color and I knew that had to be worse.

The day actually went better than I thought. I only got a few looks, most people seemed to either not care or were glad I was back, and seemingly better. The day went fine until I realized that I would have fifth period health separate from Edward. Boys and girls were separated for Forks High's sex-ed class. He kissed me and told me he'd be waiting for me after class.

I was sitting next to Jessica. She handed me an envelope. "Mike said to give this to you." She seemed jealous. I asked to go to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me and opened the envelope. It was meth. I was back one day and Mike was giving me presents. Wonderful. I sighed and started scratching out three perfect lines. I was rolling a dollar bill when Edward walked in. He didn't come grab me. He leaned his back against the door and folded his arms. I finished rolling the bill. I straightened the lines. I looked at Edward.

"You're not going to stop me."

"Nope."

I sighed. I sat and looked at the lines. I looked back at Edward. I stared at the lines some more. My mouth was watering. I wanted them bad. I looked back at Edward one more time before focusing my attention on the lines and making my decision.

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	10. Chapter 10

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**Happy Reading!

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The lines were perfect. Three white lines of crank just waiting. I sighed and took the CD case to the sink. I turned the water on and dropped the case in the sink before I could change my mind. I watched the drugs swirl down the drain.

I walked back to Edward and returned his big smile with a small grin. I might be strong enough to do this. Edward ran a finger under my scarf making me shiver. My mind was no longer on the drugs I had just gotten rid of. He lifted me up onto the counter and crushed his lips down on mine. I pulled the scarf off of my neck and Edward started kissing the bite mark. My body began to thrum with the need that was getting all too familiar. I unbuckled his belt and then unbuttoned his jeans. I looked down and giggled when I saw that the inside of the fly said "Lucky You". Yup, I certainly was.

Edwards super fast hands had my jeans off and panties pushed to the side in seconds. He pulled me to edge of the counter and I wrapped my legs around him. He picked me up and slammed me against the wall in the same movement that he slammed his cock into me. I was soaking wet again and he was sucking on my neck as he thrust himself into me. Neither of us lasted long between him sucking on my neck and the excitement of doing something so bad. I felt him tense and come inside me right as my own orgasm was rolling over me. I clenched around him and he gave one final flick of his tongue over the bite mark, bringing me again. He slipped out of me and set me down on the ground. I grinned at him and he grinned back. I went to put my jeans on but stopped. My panties were completely ruined.

"Crap." Edward watched with slightly wide eyes as I took them off and dropped them in the trash. I cleaned myself up real quick and slid my jeans on commando style.

Edward walked me back to class without saying anything. It was possible that he could no longer speak.

I sat down and listened to our teacher talk about safe sex, trying not to giggle. It didn't really apply to me. I was having both the safest and the most unsafe sex imaginable. I couldn't get pregnant or get an STD but I was letting my boyfriend drink my blood.

Edward was waiting for me after class. Time for gym. I sighed; at least we had this class together now. We were playing tennis today; Edward was going to be my partner. I realized I had a problem in the locker room. I couldn't keep my scarf on. I took it off and looked around. Jessica was right next to me.

"Holy shit! Bella is that a bite?" I couldn't tell what the look on her face meant so I just nodded. We walked out of the locker room and Edward was waiting for me. Jessica looked at him and grinned, "You're a naughty boy Edward. You can bite me anytime."

He shook his head and rolled his eyes. With Edward in my gym class it wasn't so bad after all. He made sure I didn't get hit with a ball or racket and he even helped me hit a few balls.

We met Alice outside; she was already leaning against the Volvo when we got to the parking lot.

She winked at me before speaking, "Hey, Esme wants us to take Miss Skin and Bones here to the grocery store so she can pick out some food." I sighed. Of course, I should have known that even grocery shopping would make Alice happy.

Alice and Edward spent a good majority of our time in the store poking and prodding various things or looking at them like they were some alien life form. Edward decided to read nutrition facts and vetoed a good number of things that were too high in sodium and saturated fat. Calories and fat were okay with him in general; I needed to put on some weight.

I wasn't allowed to carry anything to the car or into the house. I did help put the groceries away. Mostly by directing where thing should go.

A few hours later I was doing homework in the living room on Edward's laptop. Really I was watching the boys play Wii. I rifled through my back pack for one of my books and found another envelope. This one was one of the padded shipping envelopes. The words 'for my favorite customer' were scrawled across the top. I sighed. I could go to the bathroom now and no one would be the wiser. There wouldn't be any minds to tattle on me about seeing me leave with a mysterious envelope like at school. I'd have to look at their faces afterwards though. I'd have to detox again.

"Edward?" He looked up from his game immediately and was at my side. "Would you get rid of this?"

He grabbed the envelope and opened it up. It was heroin. I knew my eyes lit up at the sight of the two syringes. Meth was one thing. Heroin was a whole other ball game.

Edward held them out to me, "You want them Bella?" I glared at him. Why would he ask me that? Just to tease me, taunt me? He'd never let me slide that needle into my arm. I made a move to grab one and I was surprised to find myself actually holding it. I looked at him and he shrugged. Emmett was looking at Edward as if he was crazy. I flicked the cap off with a practiced hand and held the needle against a vein. He still didn't stop me. I slid the needle into the vein and almost sighed in relief.

Then I stopped. I couldn't do it. I couldn't press the little plunger down and let the liquid leak into my veins. I couldn't disappoint Edward. I pulled the needle back out and handed it over. Both the needles and Edward were gone in an instant. Edward was back a second later. He wrapped me in a hug.

"I'm proud of you Bella. I love you."

"What if I had done it?"

"I'd still love you. Would you like some help with your make-up-work?"

I nodded, "Yes please."

We spent the next few hours working on math until all the numbers ran into a big jumble of blah. I smelled something yummy in the kitchen and went to investigate. Esme and Carlisle were making me some spaghetti. Carlisle had on an apron that read "Kiss the cook."

I stood on my tippy toes and gave him a peck on the cheek. I gave Esme a big hug and helped by buttering the garlic bread. Rosalie came into the kitchen and made a somewhat disgusted looking face.

"God you can smell that from everywhere. Yuck."

"Sorry Rosalie." I looked down; I hated making the Cullen's uncomfortable in their own home.

"It's fine Bella. Sorry." Rosalie being nice always frightened me a little.

Emmett came in next and hopped up onto the counter next to me.

"So a little birdie told me that you and Edward got it on in the bathroom at school." Everyone froze and looked at Emmett.

Edward, Alice and Jasper all came into the kitchen and looked at me.

"Who told you that Emmett?"

"Alice."

"ALICE!" Both Edward and I gave Alice a look.

"Sorry Bella. It just popped out."

I sighed. It's not like that didn't already know that we were having sex. Still though. Yeash.

Carlisle cleared his throat, "And that's another thing, Edward you can't bite Bella all the time. It's not…er…healthy…"

"He means it's perverted," Emmett piped in.

Carlisle sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Ah that's where Edward got that from. "No that's not what I mean. I mean it's dangerous. And if you keep doing it you'll have to keep wearing those contacts."

I sighed and Emmett chuckled. "Kinky Bella likes to be bitten." I smacked him on his arm but only succeeded in hurting my hand.

I ate my food while the family discussed some other potential problems. After I was done I looked at Edward and smiled. "I'm full, you want a snack?" I wiggled my eyebrows at him.

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	11. Chapter 11

**I must just be in a smutty mood...enjoy..

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Edward grinned back at me and shook his head. "Bella." I giggled and Edward grabbed me around the waist and took me upstairs. I frowned when I saw two boxes on the bed. One was small and one was big. They both had bows on them. "Just open them Bella."

I sighed and pulled the ribbon off of the bigger one. I took off the lid and pulled out another box. It was a MacBook Pro. "Wow thanks!" I'd never had a computer this nice before and I had felt bad monopolizing Edwards.

"Bella it's just a computer. No big deal. Open the other one." I laughed. Edward was clearly more excited about the second present. I opened the box and looked up at Edward perplexed. It was a key ring that had two keys and a key fob on it.

Edward took the keys from me and held up a silver one, "This is for the house." He held up the other key, "This is for your new car!"

"A car? You got me a car? Edward!"

"Bella don't argue. You need a car to drive. I got you one. The end. Accept it graciously and come see it."

"Thank you Edward." I stood on my tippy toes and pressed my lips to his. "Take me to my new car." I was sort of worried that it would be some over the top sports car but while it was expensive it wasn't a sports car.

"It's a Porsche Cayenne Turbo S. It's an SUV, I didn't think you could complain about that."

"I can complain that it cost way too much."

"You could but that would make me very sad Bella." Edward put on a pouty face and I sighed.

"I love it."

"I love you."

I kissed him again gently. "Can I drive to school tomorrow?"

"Anything you want Bella."

"I want to go swimming." Edward laughed and took me back inside to change. Everyone else was already in their suits. Sometimes Alice's visions were helpful. Edward watched me intently as I slipped my suit on. His fingers traced the letters on my abdomen and then the wings on my back.

"Pretty…even with all the metal and ink…you're still the most beautiful creature I've ever seen."

I snorted in response, "Riiiiiight…"

"You are Bella, I'll never lie to you."

I smiled and shook my head. Edward scooped me up and I had barely had time to shut my eyes before I found myself floating in the river. The current was much stronger today. I let myself be pulled by the water, still held firmly in place by Edward. He held onto my hands and I let my body float on the waves.

I heard Emmett talking and the next thing I knew I was on his back and he was swimming through the water. I felt like I was riding the whale from Free Willy. I heard Edward shouting behind us. I giggled and urged Emmett to go faster. It was the most fun I'd had in a long time. Emmett stopped after a few miles and set me on a rock that was in some shallow water. I leaned back and let my skin soak up the sun. Emmett was all shimmery in the sun and I laughed.

"So little sister. What's with this whole being a snack for Eddie boy thing you got goin on?"

"I dunno Em. It's strange I guess."

"Uh yeah. That's one way to describe it." He wiggled his eyebrows at me and I punched him in the arm. "Hey I'm just saying…I'm glad you're happy again. Healthy again. I'm glad to have my little human sister back."

"Edward is going to change me."

"Yeah Alice told us."

I suddenly thought of a question, "Will my tattoos go away?"

"I don't know. Carlisle might. Do you want them to go away?"

I thought about it for a minute, "No, they're apart of who I am now. I'm getting better but I've changed. I'm not so afraid anymore. I'm going to do what I want to do and if someone doesn't like it then too bad."

"That's the spirit Bella." Emmett grinned. "Uh Oh, here comes the Calvary to rescue you."

Edward popped up a few feet away from us. The water streamed off of his chest and I couldn't help but stare at him. I think I might have moaned a little. Edward's voice was husky when he spoke, "Emmett go away."

Emmett silently slid into the water and swam away.

Edward stalked toward my rock silently. The look in his eyes screamed predator. He crawled over me, not touching my body but forcing me to lie down. He pinned my hands above my head and nuzzled my neck. "God Bella, I can't stop wanting you. You're all I can think about." He was punctuating his sentences with nips against my skin. "I want to love you. I want to be inside of you. I want to taste you."

"Please?" I was breathless; I could barely get even that one word out.

"Please what Bella?" His voice was darkened with need. We shouldn't be doing this again.

"Please I need you." His lips finally grazed the spot on my neck and I moaned and brought my hip up to meet his. He pinned me down with his body suddenly and I could feel him hard between my legs.

His tongue darted out and touched the cut, "What do you need me to do Bella?"

I could feel my wetness dripping down my thighs, my pussy was on fire. "I need you to fuck me." I felt him remove his shorts one handed and then rip off my bottoms. His cock was pressed against me, long, hard and cold against my hot wet slit. He rubbed himself over me, gently sucking on my neck. "Edward please…"

"Get on your hands and knees Bella." I didn't move fast enough for him. He flipped me over and my knees scraped a little on the rock, it only added to the sensation. I felt him pressed against me. "Bella tell me again what you want me to do to you?"

"God Edward…I want you to fuck me, hard. I need you to shove yourself into me deep until my cunt clenches around you as I come. Then I want you to bite me while you spill yourself deep inside me." I felt him lean over me, He was still able to suck on my neck from this position. Took my skin into his mouth and then shoved himself into me hard. It would have made me scream if I hadn't been so ready. My pussy was sopping wet and I took him in easily, although I could feel how tight I was around him.

I could feel now how much he'd been holding back, I could guess how much he still was holding back. He was fucking my deep and hard, his cock was hitting my cervix as he thrust into me. He pushed my head down toward the rock and it changed his angle just enough so that now he was hitting my g-spot too. I could feel his hard body slapping against my ass and thighs as he plowed into me. I moaned and smiled, knowing I would have bruises in the morning. He reached down and started rubbing my clit hard and fast. He was ready for me to come. I let myself go and my orgasm came crashing down around me. I broke my nails off trying to dig my hands in the rock. My pussy clamped down on his dick but he managed to keep shoving in and out of me. He made me come over and over by licking the cut on my neck until finally I was begging him to stop. His mouth closed over the cut and his teeth sunk into me and I screamed his name as another set of orgasms ripped over me. It made my back bend and made me scream. He slammed into me once, twice more and then I felt his shudders as he came deep inside me. He was still clamped on to my neck, he turned us so that I was on top of him. He was still hard and just having his cock rub against my sensitive cunt sent me back over the edge. He was drinking me slowly, milking it, sending shockwaves through my body.

I couldn't take it anymore, I raised myself up and slammed down on him again. I rode him while he drank my blood. I came again and again until I couldn't handle it. "Bite somewhere else Edward!" He bent down and bit the swell of my breast. He sucked hard and I arched my back clenched around him one more time. I felt him come and then he finally let stopped drinking from me.

"Fucking Christ Bella." I wasn't moving, I didn't know if I could. I was still straddling him, he was still hard inside me and any movement I made sent another orgasm through my body. My body was strumming with pleasure and pain and I didn't know if I could sort out what hurt.

Edward finally lifted me off of his dick and sat me on the rock next to him. "Bella are you okay?"

"I'm good." I smiled at him and started to giggle. And then I couldn't stop. Edward cleaned me up a little and then slung me onto his back after getting us both dressed. The run only took a few minutes. I was still giggling when we got back to the Cullen house.

"Carlisle! She won't stop laughing."

"It might be the endorphins. How many times did she…?"

"I don't know, maybe 20 or 30?"

I heard Emmett whistle. Carlisle was looking at the bites, both of which were bleeding rather lightly.

"Edward you drank way too much. She's completely out of it." I stopped giggling when he poured alcohol on my bites.

"OUCH! MOTHER FUCKER!" Carlisle and Edward both looked at me with wide eyes and I covered my mouth with my hand. "Uh Oh."

"What is it Bella?"

"I'm going to pass out." And then everything went black.

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	12. Chapter 12

**Rahveryn: I actually address the money thing in this chaper. :) As for tattoos, I know some people who regret them 50 years down the road and somethat don't. I think the people who have one and stop seem to be the ones who regret them. People who put a lot of thought into them and treat them as art seem to regret them less. I have three and want to get more. They are all meaningful to me. :)**

**I hope everyone enjoys this chaper despite its lack of smutty-goodness.

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I heard them talking before I opened my eyes.

"Edward you can't do that, I can't stop you from biting her but you cannot take that much blood again."

"I know. We won't be doing that again. Ever. It's too dangerous for her."

"You're being stupid Edward…" I said and tried to sit up. Cold hands held me down. I opened my eyes.

"It's not polite to eavesdrop Bella."

"I wasn't eavesdropping, I just didn't let you know I was awake because I didn't want to interrupt." I thought it sounded like a good excuse. "How long was I out?"

Edward rolled his eyes, "About an hour. Carlisle transfused a few pints into you. I don't like it. You smell wrong."

"I also cleaned out your bites, the cut on your hand and the scrapes on your knees and forearms. You're bruised up fairly well too. Take it easy the next few days okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks Carlisle."

He nodded and Edward whisked me upstairs. "You want a shower before bed?"

"Please. You might have to help me though." I was still in my bathing suit and Edward turned on the water and had me test it. He got in with me and sat me on the bench. I tried to tug his trunks down but he stopped me.

"Bella you won't be able to walk tomorrow as it is."

"Fine. Take me to bed oh prudish one."

"Bella." His voice held a touch of warning and danger, I licked my lips. He carried me to the bedroom and dried me off. He helped me step into some shorts and pulled a tank top over my head. "Come on love, let's get you to sleep. We have another wonderful day at school tomorrow."

I sighed but snuggled up to Edward who had managed to change without me noticing. I sighed as I settled in, I was already very sore, I knew tomorrow wouldn't be much better.

When I woke up a few hours later Edward was no longer in bed with me. I sat up slowly, groaning as my muscles stretched and ached. Edward came into the room with a woosh of air.

"Are you okay Bella?" He sounded worried.

I stifled a yawn, "I'm fine Edward, go back to what you were doing. I'll go back to sleep." I laid my head down. The bed moved a tiny bit and I had Edward cuddled up my back. He stroked my hair and hummed my lullaby until I fell asleep.

The next time I woke up the sun was just starting to come up, although with all the clouds you could barely tell. I got out of bed slowly and took a hot shower. I gasped when I saw myself in the mirror. I looked like I'd gone a few rounds with Ali.

My knees and forearms were scraped pretty badly from the rock; I had perfect bruises in the shape of Edward's hands on my hips. My ass and the back of my thighs were discolored as well. Plus of course there were the two bites and the bruising around them. I giggled. I didn't look like I'd boxed. I looked like I'd had really good sex.

"I'm glad you think its funny Bella." I turned to see Edward leaning against the door frame, his dark broody face firmly in place.

"Please don't Edward. Don't make me feel bad about this. If this is what is keeping me happy and away from drugs then why not?" I shuffled my feet a little and felt Edward's cold arms wrap around me.

"Don't be sad love. We'll work it out. Finish getting ready, breakfast is waiting." He kissed the top of my head and went back into his room.

My breakfast was French toast. Esme had sifted some powdered sugar on top and for a second the white powder gave me a jolt. I sat down and ate quickly, Edward and Alice were ready to go.

I drove us to school in my new car, Edward seemed impatient with my driving and Alice kept poking at my bruises. I wasn't in a very good mood by the time we arrived.

"Bella, can you go to homeroom without me? I need to speak with Alice. I'll be right behind you."

I nodded, "Sure." I was walking towards my homeroom when Mike stepped out of the shadows.

"Hi Bella? Did you enjoy my presents?"

"Not really. I have to get to class." I tried to push past him but his arm shot out and he grabbed me roughly.

"Bella you owe me a lot of money." He pulled me up against him, "Now how do you want to pay that back?"

"I suggest you let her go Mike." Edward's voice was controlled but I could tell he was having trouble with it. Mike didn't let me go. He increased the pressure on my arm making me flinch. Edward slammed Mike into the wall. "How much Mike?"

"I've been covering her for weeks. $5k." Mike was sweating now and I was worried. Where the hell was I going to get another five thousand dollars? I'd already cleaned out my bank and college accounts.

"I'll have it for you by the end of the day. I'm not happy with you Mike. You stay the hell away from Bella or I'll snap your neck like a twig, got it?" Mike nodded and Edward let him down and grabbed my arm.

"How much total Bella?"

"A little over twelve thousand."

"Christ Bella. That's a lot of drugs."

"I know. I'll pay you back…"

"Bella I'm not worried about the money. I'm worried about you. How long ago did you start?"

"A little over two months…"

"That's almost $200 a day Bella."

"It's more expensive here…there aren't a lot of sources."

"Still." Edward sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Come on, let's get to class."

The rest of our day was pretty boring; Edward went to get Mike's money during health. Carlisle had given us both notes to get out of gym and come home early, I certainly wasn't in any shape for that. Edward drove because I was tired. I was worried about Alice but Jasper was going to go pick her up at the end of the day.

I decided to make cookies when I got home and took out all the ingredients. Edward watched and fetched things for me. His strength came in handy for stirring the dough, as did his speed when it came time to scoop out the cookie sized portions on to the cookie sheet.

Emmett came in and grabbed a chocolate chip, popping it into his mouth as if it was the most normal thing in the world. Everyone froze and then Emmett tasted the chocolate and made a funny face. We were all silent for a moment.

"It's funny how it sneaks up on you sometimes. Seeing you in here, it reminded me of my mom making cookies. I'd steal chocolate chunks all the time." I went over to Emmett and gave him a hug.

"Thanks Bella."

I went back to scooping out cookies, both Edward and Emmett watching me now. Carlisle came home from the hospital and came to check up on us. One by one my family trickled into the kitchen. Esme started making me dinner when the last of the cookies came out. Carlisle and Jasper started playing chess. Alice, Emmett, Edward, Rosalie and I set up twister in the empty space on the other side of the island.

I didn't think playing with vampires who could pretty much do whatever they wanted with their bodies and not hurt or get tired was fair, but it was fun.

Everyone sat at the table with me and we talked about our days while we ate. I'd never thought I would really feel like a part of their family until I was changed, but it seemed now like I was. Now instead of feeling like I was thrown into the picture, I felt like everyone positioned themselves around me.

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	13. Chapter 13

**Enjoy!!!

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After dinner Edward helped me with my make-up work. There seemed to be never ending piles of it.

"Maybe you could do these math worksheets for me and I could work on the English essay?"

"Maybe I could type the English essay while you do the math worksheets and tell me what to say?"

"I can't do math and the essay at the same time," I complained.

Edward chuckled, "Bella, I'm not doing everything for you." He grabbed the math worksheets and started filling them in. In the ten minutes it took me to go upstairs, find my laptop, boot it up and open my word processor he'd almost finished the worksheets.

"Hey look at that! You can do my history review questions while I do my essay!"

Edward gave me a disbelieving look, "I thought I was just supposed to do the math worksheets?"

"Mm, it's not my fault that you are both smarter and faster than the average vampire Edward." I gave him my biggest smile, "And look at it this way, the sooner we finish the sooner we can go take a shower."

"The sooner we can go take separate showers."

"Awww! Eddie! I'm fine! See, look!" I poked a bruise and smiled. "No pain!"

"People are going to think I beat you."

"But they'll know it's because I'm a naughty girl who deserves to be punished."

Edward laughed, "Bella, what has gotten into you?"

I thought about it for a few seconds, "I'm just happy. It seems that for the first time in a long time, everything is going right."

"Well get used to it Bella, you're a Cullen now." This came from Alice who had flounced down next to me and picked up my chemistry homework.

"Not quite Alice." I said and started typing out my paper.

Alice looked at me, "You will be so-," she was cut off by Edward clamping his hand over her mouth.

"Too little too late Eddie boy. She was going to say soon." I raised my eyebrow and gave him a cocky smile.

"Damn annoying little pixy."

"You know you love me _Eddie_." Alice slung her arm over his shoulder.

I could think of two reasons why I would soon be a Cullen, A: Carlisle and Esme had decided to adopt me, despite the fact that I was 18 already, or B: Alice had seen Edward and I getting married, or engaged, or something.

Between myself, Edward and Alice all my make-up work was done by the end of the night. However it was midnight before we were done and I was almost comatose.

I went upstairs with Edward and crawled into bed without a shower. "Wake me up early."

Edward tried to wake me up by kissing me but I didn't really want to wake up so I turned over and buried my head under the pillows.

"Bella sweetie, come on its time for school."

"No Edward. It's time to go back to sleep."

Edward turned me over and I opened one eye.

"Bella you need to go to school. You've missed too much."

"I hurt Edward."

"Bella. You were fine yesterday. Get up, get dressed, or I'll do it for you."

I stuck my tongue out at him and he shook his head. "Bella are you ever going to take that thing out of your tongue?"

"Wasn't planning on it. Let's go cliff diving today!" The tongue ring had reminded me of Jake and La Push.

"Bella I can't go to the cliffs. Vampire/Werewolf treaty. Remember? I already talked to you about it."

"Then just drop me off."

"Bella." I should've heard his tone and dropped it. But of course I didn't.

"Oh come one Edward. I never get into trouble with Jake around. How could you possibly object me hanging out there?"

"Bella you fucked him. That's how I can object." His voice was harsh, dark.

I let my blank face drop into place. "Well, being as that I'm eighteen and you're not my parent, I don't think you get a say in what I do." I got up and walked calmly to the bathroom. I took a quick shower and put my hair into a very short ponytail.

I walked back into the bedroom naked and pulled on a bikini, some shorts and a tank top. I put on some flip flops and grabbed my bag. I didn't once even glance at Edward. I walked downstairs and out the front door, no on stopped me. I was at the end of the long driveway before someone came after me. I suspected it was Edward but I didn't turn to look.

"Why aren't you taking your car?" Ah. Emmett.

"It seemed a little crass to drive a car that Edward gave me to leave him for another man."

"You're leaving Edward?" He didn't seemed surprised, maybe slightly amused.

"Yes." I sighed, "No. I don't know. God why am I mad at him about something that's my fault?"

"It's not your fault Bella. Edward left and you moved on. He could hardly expect you to become a nun. If he would have just talked to you about it instead of holding all his feelings in, this might not have happened."

"It's been bugging him?"

"Oh Yeah. Big time." I glanced at Emmett for the first time. He was walking slowly, his hands in his pockets.

"So why did you get sent after me?"

"Edward was too mad. He's breaking shit. Alice is too damn chipper. The emotions would drive Jasper nuts. Rose still doesn't like you all that much. And Carlisle and Esme are like, parental. Plus, I love you Bella. I don't want you to be all bummed out."

"Thanks Em. Love you too." I sighed again. "I'm still going to La Push though. I have shit I need to work out." A cell phone was thrust into my vision.

"Call the mutt, ask if I can come." I nodded and dialed Jake's number.

"Hello?" His voice sounded guarded, he didn't know the number.

"Hey Jake, it's me."

"Bells! How are you?"

"I'm okay. I need to see you. Can I come over?"

"Of course!"

"Um…Any chance I can bring a vampire bodyguard? It's not Edward."

There was a long stretch of silence.

"Bells." Jake sighed, "If I say no you won't come will you?"

"Sorry…I don't think I'll be _able_ to…" I said, glances at Emmett who confirmed my suspicions with a nod.

"Fuck. Yeah, I'll work it out. Don't worry."

"I'll see you in a few minutes Jake." I flipped the phone shut..

"Give me a minute Bella. I'll go get a car."

"Can't we just run?"

"Uh sure, if you want." He grabbed my arms and lightly tossed me onto his back. We took off and I noticed running with Emmett was a little bumpier than with Edward. Emmett stopped running and let me off of his back as we approached La Push. We walked and Emmett stopped at some invisible line. Jake came out of the woods. I was running to him within a second of seeing him.

I jumped into his arms and linked my legs around his waist. "JACOB! You cut your hair!" I hugged him.

"Bells! So did you!" Jake set me down and I turned to Emmett.

"Jake this is Edward's brother, Emmett. Em this is Jake. He took care of me when you guys were…gone…"

"Thank you, for taking care of Bella," Emmett said. I'm not sure he was really thankful. After all in Emmett's mind Jake had let me descend into the world of drugs.

Jacob nodded solemnly. He used to hate Edward, all the Cullens, for leaving and hurting me. But he'd done the same thing. "What do you want to do?"

"Like you have to ask Jake!" I started walking towards the cliffs. I'd never jumped from the top cliff, Jake had always said it was too dangerous. Today I was jumping from the top. Jake and Emmett seemed to feel my frustration and they followed me soundlessly to the top.

I stood on the ledge and stripped off my clothes. I thought for a second and reached around to untie my bikini top.

"Turn around Jacob."

"I've seen it before." I heard a hard smack and giggled. I stood naked on the ledge for a minute and then leapt off. The fall was incredible. I hit the cold water and gasped. I let myself plunge down all the way before I started kicking for the surface. I pulled on my bathing suit bottoms and top when I got to the surface.

I looked up to Jake and Emmett. They were so far up. Emmett came next making a gigantic splash next to me. Jake's splash might have been even bigger. And just like that I felt better. I love Jake. I love Edward. There was nothing in the world that could change either of those things. So I would just have to learn how to live with it. Figure out how to make it work.

I spent an hour in the water with the guys, splashing and playing, letting out my anger and aggression and, well, emotions in general. The guys had to drag me to the beach when I got tired and cold.

We walked back to the top of the cliff to grab our stuff. I turned to Jacob and gave him a hug. I kissed his cheek. "I love you Jacob Black."

"And I love you Bells. But its Edward isn't it? The one you pick is Edward?"

"Used to be that it was always Edward. Things change though. People change. I've changed. It used to always be Edward…now…now I'm not so sure. I'm not sure about anything anymore."

Once again I stood at the ledge of a cliff, knowing I need to either jump or let myself fall.

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**Hope you liked it, let me know!!! I am oh so close to the magical number!!**


	14. Chapter 14

**PLEASE READ**

**Hey everyone! It's been a while since I updated, I guess my muse was taking a vacation. Well she's back and did some major re-working. The orginal chapter 14 & 15 have been deleted and the story line changed. You might want to look back at 13 to remember where we are. :) Happy Reading!

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Jake's grin was huge and I almost regretted saying what I had. The truth was that I knew it was Edward, because I didn't have a choice in the matter. It always had been and always would be Edward.

And part of me was rebelling against that. It was a part of me that hadn't existed when I'd fallen in love with Edward. This part of me hadn't come to be until after he'd left. It was the part of me that craved danger and drugs, the part of me that loved Jake.

It was almost like there was two of me now. There was Edward's Bella and Jake's Bells. I wasn't sure if I could make the two parts fit back together, or if I even wanted too. It was good to have this part of me that Edward couldn't break. Because I had no doubt that if he left again I would break.

I couldn't convince myself that he would stay, even with the new found intimacy of our relationship. One day it would go too far, and I'd get to close to dying and he would leave. I was sure of this. I didn't care what Alice said. If he didn't change me soon I wouldn't be changed.

I said my goodbyes to Jake, my good mood from jumping was gone now. I started walking slowly, Emmett at my side. He didn't try to rush me or push me into letting me run with him. I was still thinking about becoming one of them. Was there anything I wouldn't give up? Couldn't give up? There was, but it would be a tricky subject to broach. "Penny for your thoughts Bella?"

"Just…I'm trying to figure out what I wouldn't give up. What I want to do before Edward changes me," I said.

"And?"

"And I'm not going to tell you, I want Edward to hear it from me, not you."

Emmett nodded, "you're lucky he can't hear you."

I grinned in agreement, "Alright, get me home." I was on Emmett's back before I could blink. It only took us a few minutes to get to the house. Now I was suddenly wishing I had more time. Edward would know from Emmett's mind that I wanted to speak with him.

He met us on the porch and held out his hand, "would you like to go to the meadow, love?"

I shook my head; no it would be better to have witnesses. "Let's sit by the river," I said and threaded my hand through his. We sat on a huge flat rock that jutted out over the water. I fidgeted for a few minutes before Edward sighed.

"Bella, love, you can tell or ask me anything. You know that. I'll give you anything you want. Anything."

"I want you to turn me," I said finally.

He smiled at me, "and?"

"I want to have a baby first," I whispered. I knew he could hear me.

He was silent for so long that I had to glance up to make sure he was still there. "Bella…I can't have children."

"I know."

"So you want to what? Have in-vitro? Have a stranger's baby?"

"No…not a stranger's." This was the hard part. I watched Edward's face until comprehension dawned.

He stood up and ran his hand through his hair. "You want to have puppies?" His voice was low, dark.

"Edward…"

"Fuck Bella. What the hell am I supposed to say to that?" He sounded angry. This wasn't the calm Edward I knew. This was angry Edward. He paced. He sighed.

"You just told me I could have whatever I wanted," I said in a small voice.

Edward was suddenly on top of me, his lips pressed to my neck. His breath was cold on my when he spoke, "I could change you right now Bella."

"But you won't. You want me to be happy," my voice sounded more sure than I felt.

"You're heart gives you away. Do I scare you my Bella?" Edward asked.

I sighed, "Yes. I've never wanted anything more than I wanted you. Until now. It scares me that you might say no. Because I don't want to hate you. But I don't think I could stop myself if you say no."

It was strange, this sudden need to have a baby before I was changed. Before he'd left it hadn't seemed like a big deal. Now, suddenly, it was everything. I didn't know the details. From what Jake had told me today, there was every likely hood that are children would be wolves. They wouldn't age unless they stopped shifting. We could all be one happy family until the end of time.

I looked at Edward and he gave one curt nod and took off into the woods. I walked back to the Cullen house and upstairs without running into any of the others. I sat down on the bed and booted up my laptop. I was looking at fertility drugs when there was a knock on the door. "Come in Alice."

She opened the door and flitted to my side. I continued to look at my research until she sighed.

"It's changing too much for me to be sure, but I think everything will be okay," Alice said. It was surprisingly reassuring. There was another knock and Carlisle popped his head in.

"Can I talk to Bella alone Alice?" He asked with a smile. Alice flitted out of the room and Carlisle settled by my side. "We'd do an injection not Chlomid. You're going for twins?"

"It'll be my only chance." I figured he would be mad, I was hurting Edward in this process

"Taking hormones will raise your chances considerably, however, uh unethical the practice would normally be…There is also a chance that you could have higher-order multiples…I'm not going to try to stop you from doing this, and I'll help you any way I can. Bella we all just want you to be happy."

I laid my head on Carlisle's shoulder and closed my eyes before letting out another sigh, "Thanks Carlisle. I know this seems…bad…and I don't mean to hurt Edward. I love him so much. But I need this."

To my surprise it wasn't Carlisle that spoke, "I love you Bella, I understand why you need to do this but I need to know something. Will…will these be our babies or just yours?"

I opened my eyes, "Everything that's mine is yours Edward. But I won't cut Jake out. We'll all need to get along."

Carlisle exited the room quickly and silently and Edward came to sit next to me. "Whatever you want love. Have you talked to the dog about this yet?" I let out a small growl and Edward sighed, "Have you talked to Jacob yet?"

"No not yet. I guess I should before we make any plans." I looked at Edward, "You still love me?"

"Always. After this is…I want to get married Bella," He said and I let out a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding. He still loved me, still wanted to me. I hadn't ruined it all.

"Me too," I smiled and Edwards answering grin made me happier than I'd been in a long time. "Can we go talk to Jake now? I want to do this soon."

"If that's what you want." He was holding out my cell phone and I dialed Jake again.

"Bells?"

"Hey Jakey, Edward and I need to talk to you about something."

"Meet me at the bike clearing?" Jake asked. He sounded intrigued. I agreed and hung up.

Edward grabbed my hand, "Bella Jake is very young. Barely sixteen. He may not want to do this. And if that's the case then we will find some other way to get you you're babies."

"Our babies," I corrected him. I stood to change, it was getting darker and cool out. I slid into some jeans and a tank top and added a light hoodie.

"Come in," Edward said before anyone knocked. Carlisle entered holding a bottle and a syringe. Obviously Carlisle was taking me very seriously.

"These aren't fertility drugs Bella, it's a vitamin shot. We need to start getting your body ready. I'm also going to give you some folic acid. You'll start taking the drugs on the third day of your next cycle. After twelve days we'll give you another hormone to release the mature eggs and then you'll ovulate with 24-72 hours."

"So in about 16 days Bella will need to try to get pregnant?" Edward asked.

"Stalker much? Jeez." I grinned at Edward.

"Yes, that's right." I wasn't sure if he was agreeing with the time table or Edwards stalkerish tendencies. Of course Carlisle's agreeing also meant that he too had my cycle timetable down pat. Carlisle came over to me and swabbed my arm. He injected the vitamins quickly and then put a band aid on my arm.

Edward was at my side and escorting me outside within seconds. He loaded me into the Volvo and took off. I gave him directions to the clearing and with his driving it was a short trip. Jake was already there, sitting on his bike, no helmet, no shirt, looking amazingly reckless and delicious. I got out of the car and gave him a hug.

I decided to jump right in, "I want to have a baby with you."

Jakes head snapped up and he looked at Edward, "Uh…should we be having this conversation with the bloodsucker here?"

"I've already agreed to this, dog. It's what Bella wants, but she is still mine. Don't forget that."

Jake looked at me, "So how does this work?" He was taking it way better than I had expected. So was Edward in fact. When would the other shoe drop?

"I'm going to start taking fertility drugs. We'll be ready to uh…conceive in about two weeks," I told him. He winked at me and I giggled. "I want you to be sure about this Jake. I know you're very young…"

"I'm full grown Bella, age is just a number to me now," Jake said solemnly. And it was true, he wasn't the same Jake I had met a year ago. He had grown a lot in the past few months, not only physically but mentally as well. He was a leader now and it showed. "Wait, just so I know I've got this right, we get to have sex right?"

I giggled and Edward growled.

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**Alright, tell me if my muse is back or if I imagined it. Thanks!**


	15. Author's Note

**Hey everyone!**

**Alright so here's thing, I'm getting mixed reviews on the new development. I've gotten several very supportive PM's though.**

**While I don't mind constructive criticism, I don't need to here that you don't like it because it's 'different' or because you don't like Jake or whatever the case maybe.**

**This story has never been cookie cutter Twilight and it never will be. I didn't set out to rewrite Breaking Dawn, I want this to be different and while I realize it may not be to everyone's taste, that's just how it is.**

**Please realize that this story might be changed 20 more times in a 100 different ways and nothing is set in stone. For now my muse wants to write the story this way. So Yes or No votes, should I continue the story?**

**Please know this isn't meant to be rude, but I can't write something that I'm just not feeling, I'm sure many of you understand this.**

**Thank you very much and I hope to continue this story soon.**

**Ashley**


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